I'm a big cry baby....

I have been trying to lose weight my whole life but two years ago after I gave birth to my daughter I thought that I could just chill for a couple weeks then get back on the band wagon. OK so the picture I have up on my profile was taken when I was 8 months pregnant, the picture below was taken recently. The point is I gave up, I lost all motivation, and couldn't figure out what I was going to do. Now I think alot has to do with post pardon depression plus I was in a very bad relationship with my kids father. All I did that first year was breast feed, sit watch TV, and eat!! My daughter is going to be three this May and I'm bigger then I have ever been. I have tried every diet plan, bought ever diet book and magazine. I really want this surgery to happen and am looking forward to having it, I'm just worried that its another attempt at weight loss but it may not work (I may not work the program). I really want to succeed, I want to do this then move on with my life, right now my weight is stopping me from truly living the way I want to. I guess I just have to tell myself that every day, I want to remember how I feel today and never feel this way again. I will win this battle!!!!
On a lighter note, I think my ex has finally gotten the picture. I am so happy that he is out of my life and I dont think twice about telling him its over! I cant believe I wasted so much of my time with him, but had I not then lil miss Marley would not be here. Everything happens for a reason and I am OK with that. On tho bigger and better things!!!!

Drains & Sand are all thats on my mind....

I have been spending more hours then I should reading all these great blogs. I am so impressed with everyones success, I know I will also be a success story. Ok so the other night I was talking to my mom and informing her of some "new" information I received about the actual procedure; I'm scared to death of surgery and I read that there will be a drain tube/bag WTF??? I cant be having all that, and on top of that I have to have an Epidural...I'm not giving birth!! LOL, so the other night I was reading a blog and she went into detail about the damn drain tube/bag, OMG I was sick!! And on top of that she said the worst part of surgery was A. the drain tube and B. the taking out of the drain tube. Funny, I have to push my fears down real low so I can make it thru this!!
On a lighter note, I'm getting excited about my impromptu mini vacation to Cancun...me and my girl thats it, 4 days on the beach drinking and eating. I really enjoy traveling, I wish I worked in the travel industry or was really rich so I can travel day and night (with my kids of course).

Yes I can!!!

To day is the first Monday of the year, let me just say I didnt want to get out of bed this morning. I went to work last night then to the grocrey store, I was really tired when I got home around 11:30 pm, thank god my daughter was asleep! So did I go to bed?? NO because all of you guys have such great blogs I spend most nights into early mornings reading them. I came across two blogs last night from two women who have had surgery with my surgeon, so I was very excited to read them. I cant tell you how ready I am to take this next step in my life, I cant ever remember a time when I was at a "normal" weight...My dad asked me on New Years "Ashley have you seen Jennifer hudson lately?" I'm like of course, I think she is beautiful although I don't think she needs to lose any more weight, he said "maybe you could look into Weight Watchers", my dad seems to have forgotten that:
1. I have been fat all my life, its not like I just put on weight after the kids or something.
2. I have done WW more then a couple of times and I never lose any weight and I always waist my money.
He is just trying I know...

So I'm going to enroll in a english and math class for the spring semester, I need to complete these classes in order to apply for nursing school. Im looking forward to it, I love school I wish I could just go full time and not have to work but what ever amount of time I can spend on my education is fine with me.